Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Melvin's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
11:08 pm	truth I found one more piece to the puzzle and the moment I put it in my life I cried. For it was the moment I realized what bullshit I was living in. The tears represent the happiness of my escape from the lies and the pain that surrounded me. To me, admitting that I'm wrong is probably the most difficult thing in this world and I rarely believe it even if I say i. (Comment on this)
Monday, November 24th, 2003
8:56 pm	THIS FRIDAY The current plan is to perform our yearly scarfice of a chicken this friday to the turkey gods. If you have any problems with Friday, let me know asap!!! also we need jobs! Get wood and fire and a really bright flash light- (1) Buy a chicken and clean it- (2) Get clean sticks or whatever we'll use to keep the chicken in place- (1) Buy hotdogs and buns- (1) And marshmellows (1) Get chips and drinks (1) Top as most important so figure out from that.. (1) = 1 man job, etc. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
5:23 pm	70 yards! Jamie, next time we play together on know skills/hat/any real game, lets be able to fucking huck! it was nice throwing today.. I was able to throw about 50 yards constantly after practicing.. and thx for the help jamie. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 17th, 2003
8:55 pm	Sex Puppies And Naughty Kittens How the hell did I get onto SPANK can only be explained by luck :). Even the females can throw better than me! It's so rare that such opportunities lands on your lap. I remember worrying about not getting on a team back in verns last year. With that satisified, a new thing comes up. It is adaptive to be better and all, but it'd be great to learn to shut desires off.. Things that I don't actually need. The less the better The count down begins for the yearly scarfice of a chicken to the gods. Start gathering wood and bbq sauce. The the feast begin!! Oh if we decide to actually do this again we need someone to buy a chicken, get clean sticks, and bring a really really bright flashlight. If not, enjoy your turkey at home, but there will always be a flame roasting a chicken in my heart! Current Mood: hungry Current Music: R Kelly - R Kelly (space Jam) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
7:47 pm	Bad day? If you're feeling horrible, I suggest a cold shower. Start out running hot water and slowly phase into cold. You'll forget your misery when you're gasping for air. Don't turn the water back hot and just dry up. You'll feel warm and cozy for a while. I think it's good for your body too. Don't blame me if you die though. Current Music: Bon Jovi - Blaze of Glory (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 9th, 2003
9:22 pm	I sometimes write a few paragraph of stuff but before I hit post, I highlight and delete. I think to myself, do i need everyone to know.. I'm sure I'll feel the same about this post too. To change the world.. Is that everyone's dream? To make an impact. To be part of history. To publish books. To have people admire us. To have something named after us. hmm.. To be one of the best chefs.. Or a president who is remembered for all the good he's done. I'd be lying if I said I never thought about it, or that I don't want that. To change the world.. How to approach it? I guess if I want a more peaceful world, I gotta start with myself. The worst game time, 8:30 pm, and 9:00 am. I'll be playing against Sukol's team.. but I think she wont be there.. that's too bad because I wanted to see the women on SPANK school her. :) Current Music: Tupac Shakur - Changes (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 13th, 2003
10:05 pm	Utlimate 24/7 Had a game at 8:00 pm last night, got up scrimaged two games from 11:00 to 2:00. Got called up, Played another game at 2:30. I'll probably be cutting in my dreams tonight.. Current Music: Dido - White Flag (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
12:02 am	If there's a beginning there's an end. Goodbye Summer of 2003. It seems to be the point where many things in my life is coming to an end. But also, new things are starting up. Sad..? not really. I found out that the longer you linger the longer you'll stay there. Pretty exciting opportunities opened up to have fun and meet new people. Ricebowl! all asian ultimate team.. plus free korean bbq at some dude's place. I do believe I need to say goodbye to all those who I share memories with especially to those who I wont be seeing again for a while or maybe forever. I just wanted to say bye before it's too late. It was a lot of fun with you all. To those who i'll see again soon, just ignore this bs. :) To start things all over again if I could? To start over and experience it all over again? Nah If god granted you one wish what will it be? world peace? :) Current Music: Linkin Park - Pushing Me Away (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 31st, 2003
10:41 am	To experience life in it's truest form... We all have a different approach. Succeeding is another story, it's not very important. Listening to myself, my conscience is the most important. The thing is, I don't want to lay on my death bed regretting anything. Current Mood: relieved Current Music: Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
5:00 pm	I could say today is a pretty bad day.. But I should be thankful that all the passengers and myself escaped any injuries, and did very little damage to the car. It actually felt like escaping 2 major accidents in just one day. With very minor damage, just a little scratch and a broken plastic headlight thingy. Current Mood: drained Current Music: Our Lady Peace - Is Anybody Home (Comment on this)
Monday, July 14th, 2003
3:54 pm	I found out, if you want something you must be able to give it first in order to truly recieve it. Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Placebo - Every You Every Me (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 12th, 2003
5:21 pm	What am I doing? Where am I going? Current Mood: scared Current Music: Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven (Comment on this)
Monday, June 2nd, 2003
8:59 pm	Things went by really fast but at the same time, everything seemed to slow down so I got to enjoy it even more. Prom. It was a lot of fun. It could have been magical if i had a girlfriend but the truth is.. I can't ask for more. I had a lot of fun and I'm pretty sure my date enjoy it too. Like what my cousin said, "most important thing is both are having fun." No akward silence.. it was great. She didn't like dancing much so it was actually a good thing for me. Slow danced and that was cool. Second cool thing that happened was the competition. I used 60 minutes to make a single dessert. It could have been even better but I'm thoroughly satisified with the result. It wasn't prefect in my mind but it was really close and it was an accomplishment. From Mr. Green "it blew the judges away." What better complement can I get? I think it really gave me confidence that I can be what I want to be. Firefly. :) There is still things I haven't been able to let go of. Amazing. Is it a good thing? I doubt it. Hm.. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 10th, 2003
5:37 pm	To the frisbee team. It was A LOT of fun playing with you guys. Think back to our first game. And think about the last two games we played. We improved like 10 folds. :) And we won a game to a team we lost to previously. Great accomplishment. Hey what can i say. All we had to do was win a game and we got second for B pool. I believe we didn't get as high of a rank last year.. And spirit disc.. that's like the ultimate prize :) it's all about the spirit.. Although... I do remember a lot of swearing from everyone including myself. I felt we played like a team.. even though the 3 dominator did do a lot of work, it was the others who put it together and scored. Current Mood: tired (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 8th, 2003
10:38 pm	Girls care so much about how they look in those clothes or that dress... But they don't come to realize that all guys care about is seeing them naked.. :) Current Music: Blind Guardian - Nightfall (Comment on this)
8:57 pm	I took the AP test today. 3 hours of shittiness. I know i passed. I don't care what score though. It was satisifying. The months of hard work. Definitely one of the hardest class I have taken. One thing i don't like about high school is the catagorization of "academic classes" and "elective/slacking off classes." The title of the class isn't very important to me anymore, the important thing is, "what did i learn?" To judge a class value I think the most important thing is did the teacher teach, and do you actually care about what you're learning? Another thing i don't understand is our grading scale.. I believe each person have their strenghtens and weaknesses. If you worked hard, pushed yourself, tried, i believe a person deserves an A. no, the grading scale shouldn't even be points and stuff, it should be fail, pass, and good. But i know life isn't fair. Someone can study day and night, do all the homework, review, and read every single word in the book, and still get a C because his or her strength lies elsewhere.. or they're just not built for school. But someone can do 1/2 the work and get a 100%. This system is so barbaric. it's crude, it's survival the fittest. I guess nature can be cruel. Evolution. We are living in a social darwinism. But we make ourselves believe we're not and that we're against the system. Yet.... Yet. this very moment we marvel at our "superiority" over others. But... i guess it's no problem, it's part of evolution, part of nature. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 7th, 2003
8:56 pm	"Winning is everything" that phrase kept appearing in front of me. I have been trying to answer the question, "is winning everything?" I know for some, it's almost their life, their philosophy. The desire to win really can drive a person to improve, and bring out the best of them, push them to greater limits, and have a focus for life. But the desire to win can also bring out horrible evil. It becomes so important sometimes people cheat. We might be so focused, we stop caring about anything else that's beautiful in life. We become self-centered. So much that you're taking in all this knowledge or experience but wont give any back. Just holding it tightly. Fearing others will steal your knowledge, the success to the FAME, GLORY, SUCCESS, VICTORY DANCE. Becoming greedy. The more I think about it.. The true winner isn't necessarily the one holding the trophy. The true winner is the one who worked hard, improved, felt accomplished, and wanting to share the knowledge he/she gained through the experience. When winning or being the best becomes your life, you are actually losing the most even if you are at the very top enduring the gold. We might have lost every single game during the season, I do feel like a winner. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 4th, 2003
5:06 pm	I hate the game "i'm better than you are!" or "see! you're wrong!" It's so destructive to others and to the mind, I don't know why we're constantly trapped in this bullshit. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
7:16 pm	With the countless hours I have spent on the team I was expecting more than a 0-4 record. The truth is, I am disappointed. A failure on my part to coach probably have been the vague and boring explaining. But I also learned that it requires passion from each and every single player. That they enjoy playing and want to improve. It is impossible for me to see what we need to work on when 6 or 10 people show up for practice. Or during practice, 3 of them are killing a bug, or 2 of them are talking about photography, or about Torres, or just day dreaming. I can see, why though. It IS boring.. I remember myself fooling around last year and others fooling around. But it rarely happen expect maybe near the end of the season. What hurts the most is when people ask me "why do we suck?" or "why are losing?" Maybe whoever is asking me that should ask themselves or their teammates. I do need take responsiblity. I'm sure if i was more experienced the drills or the talks could have been a lot more effective, however, with what I know and my experience I taught with the best of my ablities and I took responsiblity to setup practices and showing up every single time. If whoever wants to put blame on me, I'm sorry I didn't provide the best for you. From what I hoped, I am disappointed. Though, I did feel successful when players improved. For being completely new to the game/sport, I can say almost everyone improved more than 100% from the start. I want to thank terry and jamie for really improving and making themselves one of the most valuable players. I want to thank gavin for showing up probably for 97% if not 100% of the practices. Even though our record isn't what I expected, I had fun. So a big thanks to everyone who participated. There are three things left. Sukol, you suck! Only things you really done is ordering disc, signing us up, and ordering t-shirts, oh and going to countless meetings and going home to your dog! Second thing, John you're just another player! You are officially not part of the captaining job! I'm not sure what you have done for the team... Really. No regrets, it was a valuable experience. And last I hope at least one of you will continue on playing because that'd be carrying a little of me and the time i've spent. Maybe i'll see some of you again on the field.. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Michael Learns to Rock- That's Why You Go Away (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
9:16 pm	Sad.. Yeah. It was a wave of sadness. But things are always changing anyways. Instead it should be a celebration for change. The present is for living, continuously thinking over the past for future will accomplish nothing. Live. Sad. I will be. As for now, each day is the same as how I lived everyday, with a smile. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Third Eye Blind - Jumper (Comment on this)